


One day isn’t enough to say goodbye

by tolip



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, One Shot, Sad, Sad Mark Fischbach, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tolip/pseuds/tolip
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	One day isn’t enough to say goodbye

It’s been a week since Ethan passed but I remember it like it was yesterday.

The night was beautiful, no clouds in the sky to block the stars from view. But then Ethan started to cry and I didn’t know what to do. I held him until he died and I held him after. I held him close until someone going for an early morning jog cane by and called an ambulance. The police asked me why were sitting in the middle of the field and through the sobs I managed to explain that it was his birthday so I took him where I bet he wanted that day. The police let me leave but I asked to see him first. They reluctantly let me see him and I grabbed his hand. They were cold, and when he didn’t squeeze back I broke down laying my head on chest as I sobbed.  
Why did you leave me? We were supposed to be roommates in university. Complain about how confusing our grand kids phones and clothes were. But now your gone, and I’m here.

I don’t know how long i was in the station clinging to him but my parents came and drove me home. When they pulled me away from him I saw the number 16 on the inside of his wrist. Why hadn’t he told me? Why did he keep it to himself?

My mom snaps me out of the memory when she asks, “Mark are you going to come with us to the Nestor’s?”  
Her voice was gentle but I could tell that she wanted me to go.

“Ya, just give me a few minutes.” I mumble back before getting out of bed and walking into my bathroom.  
I pick up my razor and look in the mirror and shave off the peach fuzz before I start to brush my teeth. I look myself over once more in the mirror and I look awful. My eyes are slightly red and have large dark circles underneath. My skin is player than normal making my tan skin look like translucent paper. My cheeks bones are slightly more prominent than usual. I sigh before getting dressed and heading down stairs where my mom is sitting at the kitchen table in a nice black dress.  
“You look better, here have some toast.” She says handing me a plate. I eat half of it before my stomach feels to full so I stand and ask, “shouldn’t we get going?” My mom looks at the toast then back at me, she opens her mouth to say something but thinks better of it and only nods.  
The car ride to Ethan’s goes by in a blur, the autumn leaves nothing together as we drive by. I’ve come to hate this drive. I used to do it everyday to pick him up for school or to get him and drive him to my house so we could play video games or try to make food without a recipe. My eyes start to sting with tears but I force them back, whipping at my eyes.

We pull up outside if Ethan’s house and something seems off. The lights are on inside but the house seems dark. We walk up to the door and give a small knock before Ethans brother opens the door. He doesn’t look good. His hair is a mess and his eyes are dark and slightly sunken. He closes the door behind us and leads us into the kitchen where Ethan’s parents are sitting.

His dad looks like he always does if not just a little tired. But his Mom looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Her eyes are an angry looking read and she has tear stains down her face.

We sit down in the empty chairs while my mom and Ethan’s dad make small talk. I start to feel uncomfortable, like the feeling you get when someone is watching you. I excuse myself saying I need to use the washroom and head upstairs walking past the bathroom and going into Ethan’s room. It looks the same as always, his desk has a few scattered papers. His bed made, with a small pile of clothes in his laundry basket. The room looks the same but it feels dead. As if all of the light had been sucked out of it. A shiver runs down my spine and I can’t tell if it’s from the cold room or the fact that the room hasn’t changed.

I walk over to his bed and sit down placing my head in my hands and take a shaky breath. 

“You know, he always talked about you.”  
I look up and see Ethan’s mother standing in the door way.  
She hesitates entering the room as if there’s an invisible barrier blocking her path. She takes a deep breath before she walks over and sits in his desk chair.

“He would always talk about how nice you were. And the stupid inside jokes you had. Why didn’t you bring him home?” She asks, her voice rising in volume.

“You knew something was wrong why didn’t you ask him?”

I have to yell over her for her to hear me, “I tried but I didn’t want to pry.”

“That’s not an excuse, you didnt try hard enough, you didn’t pay enough attention! If you weren’t so oblivious you would of seen that something was wrong!” She stood up and stormed out of the room. A door slamming down the hall.

Tears fall from my face as the floor boards of the stairs start to creek. Ethan’s dad walks into the room and sits down beside me.  
“Mark don’t take it personally she is having a really hard time with this. She didn’t mean what she said, you just need to give her some time.” He said and lied a hand on my knee.

“Speaking of time. Ethan was going to give this to you on your birthday but,” he pauses as he gets up and grabs a small wooden box. “Here, he knew how much it meant to you.” He handed me the wooden box before walking out of the room.

Inside the box was a watch and a note.  
Mark, I knew how much your dad meant to you so I fixed his watch for you. I hope you like it. Happy 18th birthday Papa  
-Ethan

I chuckle at the nickname as I put the watch around my wrist. This must have taken him weeks to fix. I grab the box and head back downstairs. My mom is still at the table talking with his dad.  
“Mark, honey.” My mom says, “Ethan’s parents were wondering if you would speak at Ethan’s funeral on Sunday, you don’t have to but I’m sure it would mean a lot to them.” I nod before I sit back down. They offer to have us for lunch but we decline and head back home. The week days seem to mush together until I wake up on Sunday morning. Everything I do that day blends together and before I know it I’m standing in front of everyone at the funeral. I look into the casket in front of me and see Ethan. His face looks the way he did when he was alive. Full of life. But I know that it’s just makeup. “Ethan was my best friend, I miss him everyday. Without him beside me I feel like I’m missing something. I look around at new people I meet trying to find him in the way they talk, the way they walk. But I never find him. Ethan was one of a kind and I-“ my breath hitches as the tears start to fall, “He was always so kind and cared about people even if they were never nice to him. Without Ethan, I probably wouldn’t be here today. But now he isn’t here and we can’t ever get him back. On his birthday their will be no celebration just memories of him, and tears streaming down my face. Because I loved him, but now that love has no place to go. I miss him everyday and there’s nothing I can do about it. No prayer can bring him back. He was so special, there won’t ever be anyone like him again. Now he’s gone, and I’m here. And I wish he was here with me because life is a beautiful thing and I wanted him to be alive to see it.” I let out a shaky breath and try to stop the flow from my eyes but I can’t stop them so I say looking at Ethan, “loosing you hurts, it hurts so bad, but I will always carry you in my heart even though I’d rather walk by your side instead.” I step off the stage and sit down. My eyes never leave Ethan’s face until the casket is closed and put into the earth. He’s gone, to a place I won’t be able to follow for a long time.


End file.
